solving puzzles

It has been tugging at my brain, and I've figured it out.

My indifference funk this time isn't as much random as it is subconsciously premeditated.

It's a defense mechanism.

Because I can't afford to feel certain things, this time. I can't afford to have expectations, because I can't afford to lose expectations. I am in some small degree of trauma recovery, and my brain understood that before I did.

And because we can't choose to be selectively indifferent, here I am. How I am.

So perhaps, this time, instead of trying to fight indifference as I usually do,

I should just embrace it.

Oh, Apathy, you smell like love.