Saturday, August 21, 2010

This is you.

It's amazing how many words you can speak without actually saying anything.

Endless rambles in attempts to connect a 3-pronged plug to a 2-slotted socket. Endless nights of hollow laughs and empty folly. Wrong words, wrong people, wrong places. And then you walk back home, trying not to admit it to yourself, but realizing deep down that somewhere in there, you're asking
why?

Because in the end, you ultimately realize how much you wasted the precious time that ticked away through the cracks between your sore fingers, tired from playing the strings of the instruments that were not yours to play, melodies that you did not enjoy hearing. And then you realize that the more you speak, the less you sound like you and the more you sound like the tall, brunette down the street who owned a silver Lexus that her father bought for her, that beautiful, shiny car that you looked for on her driveway every time your mother drove you home from school. But, of course, it was rarely ever there because she was rarely ever home, and that upset you more than anything. No, it wasn't because you were jealous, you told yourself. Not at all.

But the more you speak, the less you sound like her and the more you sound like the girl in your economics class who used to always pick at her purple nail polish and talk about boyfriends she didn't have until her sister died in a freakish highway accident after running into a cement truck and getting suffocated in wet cement.

And your words disgust you, so you run to the sink and brush your teeth and wash your face, trying desperately and futilely to wash off the layer of skin that's not yours because it makes you itch terribly. And you realize you can't even remember the name of the nice boy with the red hair who sat there quietly, the one you ignored because he couldn't get you a six-pack and because he drove a slow car, not a fast one, and wasn't eager to hand out his number in a heartbeat like the others were.

So you crawl into bed, a tangled marionette, telling yourself that you won't do this again, but knowing that you will anyways because you don't know how else to do things and you're much, much too frightened to wake up and realize that it's okay to be alone because nobody ever told you it was.

This is you, loquacious friend.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Not a poem.

-

I want to sip sorrow through a straw tonight
sweet, sincere melancholy climbing up the walls of a narrow tube
to my worn-out tongue
to my parched veins, dry, scabbed, cracking.
Rehydrate me.


I want to cut you loose with the petals,
the sharp, silver edges of store-bought flowers,
tidily-wrapped department-store packages
for those romantic bastards.
Set me free.

I want to swim into Sargasso depths,
dark with a darkness unknown to the bitter globe.
They'll breathe down my neck, cling to my back,
the blind fish of a lost, shoreless sea.
Come with me.


I want to sew, with gilded threads, these letter into words,
into sentences, into paragraphs, and pour them on your skin
a dripping trickle to to climb up your spine
a sinful sip to drug you slowly.


Rewrite me.




Friday, August 6, 2010

Falling

You are the fulcrum
and I sit, precariously balanced on the tip. But, you see, I'm rarely precariously balanced on anything.

Solid thoughts, solid opinions, solid goals. I never took pointe in my days of ballet. No, not me. Certain and sure about everything... until you came along, and suddenly,

I was sure of nothing.

Nothing except for the fact that there was a tall, long needle on the top of the Empire State Building. And I had to climb it, the only structure left in a gaping, black abyss.

So I did, my bare knuckes gripping the rusty grooves of that needle
in the hot, stale air, in the frosty, numbing cold
inch
by
inch
until I started falling.


Falling, splashing, swimming, drowing, grasping, slipping, falling.


Falling for you
Falling from you
The crazy thing is, I never knew which it was,
only that, somehow, I was falling because of you.

-