Best Friend

You know what?

Maybe if you had ever asked "what's wrong?"
I wouldn't be sitting here for the sixtieth time, wondering if you really just don't give a crap.

Well, do you?

Remember that night you called me back to the room when it was around midnight,
and I came find to find you bawling on your bed?
I comforted you, cursed people out for you, sat there until you fell asleep
because that's what I do for people I love. That's what I want to do for people I love.
But did you know that just ten minutes before that, I was doing what you were doing

in the hall?

Did you have any idea?
Of course not.

Where were you when I needed you so badly this summer
probably more badly than I have ever needed anyone in my life?
You didn't even call, so instead I relayed to you a general gist of what was going on

through facebook chat.


We never talked about it after that brief internet conversation. Maybe if we had,

I wouldn't have spent so many nights sitting on our bathroom floor
in the dark with my face buried in towels
so I wouldn't wake you up

from your sleep.
That's what you do- wake up, plow through your days, and go to sleep early
unless people walk up to you, sit you down, and tell you what's going on in their lives and how they're doing,

because otherwise, your problems are much worse anyways,
right?

Are you aware in the slightest of how hard a year it's been for me?
I'm very aware of how hard of one it's been for you-

all your woes, all your worries, every doubt and frustration. I've asked you about all of them.
I've been patient; I've been understanding; I've done my best to help you and advise you as best I know how. I've been through a lot of what you're going through.

But maybe I'm underestimating you,
and in reality,
you can read my mind a lot better than I think you can, and you're just choosing to silently observe me with the sort of bemused half-interested-non-interest that everyone else observes me with.

Or maybe you're just assuming I don't want to talk to you, when all I want is for someone to, once in a while, say
"Tell me what's going on."



People call me reserved. Mysterious, secluded, completely not open with my personal life
Well,
I wonder why I am that way

when someone I'd consider my best friend without even thinking about it
doesn't act like
she cares.